.3.months.

So today is my baby's "3 month" birthday! Exactly 3 months ago today, my baby entered the world. It's so hard to believe the time has gone by so fast. I know everyone says that, especially when you have kids, but I never realized it until now. Being a mommy is the best, yet most challenging thing in the world! I love every second of it and wouldn't trade it for the world. I am SO blessed to have my angel!

It's also hard to believe that exactly a year ago today, I buried my mama. September 17, 2008, was the day we had her WONDERFUL graveside service. It was exactly what she wanted - I mean she literally planned it. I look back on that day and the emotions that ran through me. Who would have known exactly a year later I would have a 3 month old?!?! Crazy how things work. I think about mama nearly every second of every day. I think about the good times and how she LOVED us with everything she had. You never truly understand a mother's love until you actually become a mother yourself. I just wish she was hear to experience this with me. I know she would be telling me "I told you so" regarding a mother's love. :)

Anyway, Abby is growing like CRAZY! Daycare is going good. She seems to be adjusting just fine. She is still sleeping through the night. It's tough getting her to sleep sometimes, but once she's out - she's OUT! :) I, on the other hand, have been sick TWICE since she has been in daycare. Not sure if she is just carrying the germs home or I am just breathing the germ filled air at daycare. Last Wednesday I had an AWFUL stomach bug!!! Then, this week I've got what seems to be a bad cold. I've got drainage with a severely soar throat! Just felt crapy! Hopefully this will be over soon! She is holding her head up pretty good now. It's SO CUTE!

Also, for those that do not know, Bo is leaving the Rankin County Sheriff's Department in about a week. He has accepted a position with Brandon Police Department as the animal control officer. Yea - he's back at Brandon and he couldn't be more excited - even if it is just animal control! He was just really tired of being "in jail" all day with the County and the inmates just really get to him. I know I couldn't work there. He has been working REALLY hard on a BIG paper that is due in October. I am so proud of him, but I will be SO glad when he is finished!! He will be half way there at Christmas time!!!

Other than that, we are just anxiously awaiting the arrival of little Emily!! Jennifer is over 8 months preggo now, which is just hard to believe! She has had a couple of showers and seems to have the nursery nearly complete. I am more than excited for Jennifer and Michael! I know they will be the best parents in the world!!

Here are a few pics from Abby's 3rd month here on Earth. . . .

.missing.mama.

Miss you and love you mama!

.what.a.year.

A year ago today I began to experience the worst days of my life! My mama went into the hospital for the last time and never got to come home.

This week will be hard on me and my family as we can’t help but think about this time last year. I have been having flashbacks nearly all the time. Just thinking about her last days here with us. How I never imagined she would not come back home. I think about the horrific experiences in the hospital, but also the wonderful people that took care of her in ICU. I think about the moment her heart monitor started to quickly fall, but yet I was so thankful she was not “alone” (her biggest fear). The complete emptiest I felt as I left the hospital that night (and still feel today). Discussing with Jennifer, “I wonder what mama is doing right now,” as we talk about our mama in Heaven the next day. It all literally seemed like a nightmare. I thought I would wake up any moment and life would be peaceful again. But yet, we were all so at peace with everything. Mama knew how to prepare us for the inevitable. She had a perfect service on a perfect, gorgeous day! God truly gave me an amazing strength that I didn’t know I had. Before all this happened, you could have told me the future and I would have told you there’s no way I would make it through something like that. But I did!

And then, we made it through our HUGE garage sale, sold our family home, made it through the birthdays and holidays, and above all else I was pregnant with mama’s first grandbaby. Something I never thought I would go through without my mama. Abby is totally my little miracle baby for sure! Abby Grace has helped me and my family make it through the most difficult experience of our lives! Jennifer says it best – “our saving grace.” She gave us the opportunity to prepare for a new little life. Nearly every time I look at her, I see my mama. And now, we get to prepare for little Emily! Preparations for this little baby girl are in full swing! I know in my heart these babies were sent to us because of mama. Oh how I wish I could talk to mama about these gorgeous babies!!

I just hope God gives me the strength to get through this week – especially next Monday. September 14^th marks the one year anniversary that mama went to be with Jesus. A breakdown moment is on the verge at any second – I just feel it! I keep hearing my mama’s voice in my head and thinking of all sorts of memories – good and bad. I would give anything to have her here with me!!! I love you mama!! Abby and Maggie love their Mimi too!!

.day.care.

Well, our first week of daycare is nearly under our belt – thank goodness! What a week! My first day back to work and Abby’s first day of daycare was Tuesday, September 1st. Over my whole maternity leave, I have dreaded that day but at times would get a little anxious about it. I didn’t want to take her to day care, but I didn’t want to stay at home forever.

Monday night, before I went back to work I literally cried myself to sleep. I honestly didn’t think I was going to be able to take her the next morning. I had SO many thoughts running through my head! I was so worried about her, but I knew she would be fine. With the emotions of leaving her at daycare, came the emotions of missing mama. I kept thinking…. “if only I could just talk to her about this!” I felt SO alone! I think it was more than just taking her to daycare….. it was mainly the separation anxiety of me being away from her for over 8 hours at a time – the longest ever to be without her! I then kept thinking, “how can I stay at home and not return to work?” I was thinking of selling the house, selling Bo’s truck, working part-time, etc. Then, I had to face reality! There was NO WAY I could stay at home. I knew I would just have to get over this hurtle. I thought of all the things I have been through in the past year and I knew I had the strength to get through this. I did have to tell myself that I would only work till lunch on the first day, and then go pick her up! Although I knew in my heart, once I got to work I would be fine. It was just the initial dropping her off I was worried about.

So the morning finally came. Bo and I were both going to take her. We worked as a team trying to get ready for the day. It was great! I felt good about the day and didn’t feel too emotional (I mean my eyes were still swollen from crying so much the night before). I knew she was going to fall asleep on the way there, which I didn’t want. I was NOT going to leave her at that daycare asleep in the car seat. I didn’t want her to wake up in a weird place with no familiar faces. So we get to daycare and go to the nursery. I woke her up a bit when we got out of the vehicle, but she was falling back to sleep fast. I talk to her teacher and try to tell her things she likes. Then, time to go! I kissed her goodbye and as soon as I walked out of the room the tears were flowing! One of the workers and the director both gave me a hug and told me she would be fine. They told me to call as much as I wanted. That made me feel better, but I was still upset! I got in my vehicle and got myself together. I didn’t want to be a mess at work!

I got to work and did fine! I did call to check on her one time after lunch and she was fine - yes I made it the whole day at work. Work was great! It was really good seeing everyone and I am glad to be in a routine again. I even changed my work ours – a short lunch in order to get off earlier! Also, the amazing Aunt Jenn (and cousins Emily, Harlee, & Gracie) sent me some Gerber daisies to work to brighten my day! Jennifer has truly been my biggest rock through everything! I literally couldn’t make it without her!!!!

The end of my work days never come soon enough! I am dying to get to my baby girl!! But Abby seems to be doing well with daycare. It is still difficult to get through my day at work without seeing her, but we make up for it at night.

I love her more and more every single day! It still amazes me that God has blessed me with this perfect angel! She is truly my life! She also makes me feel like I have a piece of mama still here with me. I mean mama’s blood is literally running through her! I cannot WAIT to tell Abby about her Mimi!!

First day of "school:"

Flowers from Aunt Jenn:
Me and my baby girl at Jenn's baby shower on Sunday:

Abby smiling with her Auny Jenn: